2 become 1
by DevaRyder
Summary: Detailing the story of a growing attraction. Jake and Ryder become romantic after Jake rescues Ryder from the clutches of his abusive father. Their relationships causes a tidal wave of events causing hardships for them and the ones they love.
1. Gloomy Night

After an exhausting glee practice; Marley and I decided to have dinner, at her house. It sucks though because I won't be able to enjoy it. I saw something today that can't be unseen. Thoughts have raced through my head, ever since. Hopefully, Marley can't put up on my concern.

"Jake...Can I ask you something?"

Here we go.

"Yea. What is it?"

"Is there something bothering you? You have been out of it."

Crap! Something did happen. Something very bad. She can't find out. It will cause her to panic. Freak out.

"Why? Why do you ask that? I mean."

"Ever since we got out of practice, you seem...umm...Different."

"Just stressed with school, glee club, and trying to make you happy."

Truth is... that is a complete lie. Only the nothing is bothering me part. I truly do love, Marley.

During Practice, we were doing a dance heavy rendition of "Carry on my wayward son" by Kansas. The guys had to lift up the girls.

I noticed something disturbing next to me, while I was lifting Marley. Next to me, Ryder was lifting up Kitty. Right when he went to lift her up, is when I saw. Ryder had red slash marks across his stomach close to his belly button. Instantly, I freaked out in my mind because they were still very red. This could only mean one thing.

Ryder is a...Cutter.

"Umm. Jake?"

"Yes?"

"Why you staring out into space?"

Women. Ugh. Always asking questions. Curiosity in their blood. I guess.

"I was thinking about how beautiful you are looking tonight. You're resonating with the moonlight."

Gawd. I am good.

"Awe. Haha. You always know how to make a girl feel special."

"Comes with the genes. Puckerman testosterone is potent. Able to make a girl weak in her knees within seconds just by looking at her."

Being a Puckerman does help you get out of most situations. I should become a politician or a gynecologist.

"HaHa. Let's start deciding on our duet for Regionals. I was thinking about "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato."

Are you kidding me? Horrible Idea.

"I don't think that is suitable for me."

"Because you are a man. Who has a high strong demeanor?"

Exactly. Demi Lovato doesn't suit someone like me.

"No. It is because we need to do something more intimate. Less Poppy."

Nice save. ha.

"Like?"

"I was thinking more..."

I wonder...Got it!

"In order; for us to win, we need to do something more personal."

"And that is?"

"Aerosmith."

"Again? We already did a Aerosmith duet before."

"So? Besides, it was paired with a Britney Spears song... Got any better Ideas?

"No. I don't. So...Aerosmith it is?"

Yes. Time to find the right song for us to sing.

"Now I have to find the right song."

"Why do you get to choose? You choose every song we sing."

"Because you picked the band we're going to sing. So, I will pick the song for us."

"I got an idea. Why don't we pick our two favorite songs. And, Mash them up."

It is a brilliant idea. None of us will get mad at one another. Plus, people love Mashups.

"Great. Idea. What is your pick?"

"Well. I choose "Angel." And you Marley?"

"I choose "Sweet Emotion.""

Two of Aerosmith's light-hearted songs being mashed up. This will be awesome! I can't wait to start working on the number.

We are going to win Regionals, hands down. But, we will be facing Vocal Adrenaline and Aural Intensity. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Also, we are going first. Mr Shue told us, that when the New Directions went to their first Regionals. It was the same way and they lost against them both.

"Sounds like an intriguing duet. First Place seems like it will be a schue-in. haha"

We both burst into laughter over her horribly bad pun.

After a while of talking and flirting, I go back to my apartment. My mom crashed out on the couch. I feel bad for her. Having to work two full time jobs just to put up with me.

I resent my Dad with all my heart. How could he do this to me and my mom? Both Puck and I, are mentally fucked. I have a fear of intimacy and rejection because of him.

Life just utterly...Sucks.

After completing some of my homework, I start to wonder. What is going on with Ryder? Why is he cutting?

* * *

"Shut the Fuck Up!"

"Dad...I told you. I had practice today.."

Everyday it is the same shit. I come home and get attacked. I told him that I was gonna be late and he still is not satisfied.

Aggression. That is all I see while he vents in front of me. Battling it out in front of the stairs adds eeriness because of the dim lighting.

"Want to know what you little fuck. You can kiss playing on the football team goodbye."

"Dad...But, Why? I need to get a scholarship. Why are you doing this?"

"I could give less that a fuck... To teach you a lesson!"

"What lesson?"

What is he even talking about? I am so tired of him. All he does is hurts me. Tries to break me down. And torture me. I hate him!

"That you are a worthless piece of shit."

He pulls out his...Belt. I know what is coming next. I am frozen in fear.

He starts to repeatedly hit me with the belt across my shoulder. Sending me to my knees with the force. My dad is larger than me. Roughly 6 ft 5 and double my weight. The force of the belt is enough to knock me back.

"Dad stop! Please, you're hurting me. Please!"

"Shut up!"

Tears are flowing down my face. Scared. Demeaned. Terrified. My mom doesn't do anything to help me. Why?

Marley rejected me for Jake. I am off the football team. I am ostracized in Glee Club. I am nothing.

"Dad Please!"

Moving from the shoulder to the stomach is worse because of the pre-existing cuts being reopened.

One last slash across my abdomen causing a gush of blood to flow out. With tears flowing like a river. Partially because of my dad's treatment. Partially because of the pain, I am experiencing.

"Learn your place! You are nothing...You will never be my son again."

He leaves. Leaving myself to cry on the staircase alone. All I do is sit there, while my mom comes to clean me up.

Why am I alive? Why am I going through this?

No one cares for me. I am nothing...No one...Wants me.


	2. Chaotic Wondrous

"Come on Ryder. Get up. You'll miss the bus for school."

Waking up is the hardest part. Reality comes crashing back around me. Catapulting me back into this nightmare called my life. Eh...

Seeing the scars of the attacks by hands of my father is depressing. Seeing the slashes and cuts make me wanna break...

There is only one thing that keeps me from a complete and utter breakdown..Myself. My faith within myself is strong. Maybe strong enough for one day to escape my dads clutches. To make something of myself. Hopefully, one day

that will come true.

What if I don't succeed? Then I am...Dead.

Mornings are time of bliss. Why? Because, My dad has to work early mornings. Thank God!

While Riding the bus, my ribs start to burn. The attacks are so close together. The cuts on my stomach have no time to fully heal. Easily being reopened with one single slash.

My body feels as if it has been trampled on. Over and Over again. With Swelled arms and a cut up mid section.

My mom helps me each morning without saying a word. She disinfects my cuts and wounds again. Finishing with the covering of the visible bruises.

Once I arrive at school, a sense of happiness shoots through my system. All my pain and hurt is temporary pushed aside.

Despite the fact; Marley chose Jake, Glee club is still enjoyable. I tend to ostracize myself from them. However, I still have great friendships with most of them.

Including, Marley and Jake. I think?

Anyway. I got one of the solos in the group number. I share it with Brittany, Jake, and Blaine. We're performing a dance heavy rendition of "Carry on my wayward son" by Kansas.

So exciting...Not really.

Classes are difficult. Dyslexia is a bitch. Without it, concentration and studying is hard. Making it almost impossible with it. My teachers allow me to tape their lectures. It helps a little.

Lunch is the time, where I am alone. I just get my food and go to the cafeteria to eat by myself. I sometimes sit with the other members. However, I feel out-of-place.

I want to scream about what my dad does. Yet, I don't. I fear what the repercussions will be for my actions.

It sucks being trapped in your home and your own self.

After classes, I go to the choir room. I see Tina. She has been one of the biggest helps for me. Sticking by me and helping me. Yet, I can't bear to tell her about my dad...

"Hi Tina"

"Hey Ryder"

I sit next to her. Smiling

"What's up?"

"Tired. School, Family, and you?"

"Same. Practicing for my solo."

She got the solo for Regionals. Mr Schue decided to let her decide on her solo. As a repayment, for neglecting her for four years. Which that reminds me. I don't know what she has chosen for her solo.

"Did you choose your song yet? Another strong ballad...I assume."

Tina always does ballads. They suit her. Ever since; she got back with Mike, she has seem less diva-ish.

"Yes...I chose "Through the eyes of love" by Melissa Manchester. Doubt you heard it? lol"

"Nope. I haven't. Sounds interesting."

Mom owns Melissa Manchester's whole collection. With "through the eyes of love" being one of my personal favorites. I have no doubt now with our selections will be victorious at Regionals.

"Didn't you guys first regionals started the same way. Going first against Vocal Adrenaline and Aural Intensity."

"Don't remind me. Yea. It was bad. Quinn went into labor during VA's rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody.""

"Sucks. What ended up happening?"

"We got last place. Also, Sue almost got ownership of the choir room. There wouldn't have been a glee club anymore."

"Wow."

That sucks. For their first year, to almost lose the club. The place where they could all be themselves without judgement. I hope it doesn't repeat her Senior Year.

"Ok guys. Let's get started."

When did Will come into the room? I hadn't even noticed.

"First off, Tina did you decide on your solo?"

"Yes. I did Mr Schue."

"Good. What is it?"

"I chose "Through the eyes of love" by Melissa Manchester. It showcases how much I love Mike."

"Excellent Choice, Tina."

Our clapping is echoing around the choir room. Causing a roar, which is oddly comforting.

Melissa Manchester is a great choice for Tina. Goes with her voice. Plus, the song fits Tina and Mike's relationship right now.

For the remainder of class, we just practice the group number. The lifts and fast movements caused my ribs to feel like they have been set on fire. And... One step closer to having to go back to my house. Back to the clutches of my dad.

Going to exit to the quad, I am stopped at the door by Jake.

* * *

"Ryder?"

I turn to face Ryder. I was checking the time and saw him coming from the corner of my eyes. I am going to do this. Gonna confront him.

"Yea bro?"

"How are you?"

"Good and you?"

"Great..."

Oh God. How do I deal with this? Without it being too straight-forward.

"Ok. I am going to cut the crap."

"What?"

"I saw something during practice yesterday."

"And?"

For fuck sake, I suck at confronting people. I didn't want it to be too straight-forward. And, now I make it the complete opposite.

"Umm..."

"Jake. What is it? Tell me."

Ugh. This is going to end badly. I should've told Puck or finn. They are much better at this kind of stuff. They could've diffused the situation with easy. Getting him help is something they probably would've been able to do to. Which I have no clue how to do.

"Yesterday I saw red slashes across your stomach."

"..."

"Ryder. It is ok."

"No it's not. You have no idea. What I am going through?"

Anger courses through his eyes. Man! Ferociousness in his eyes looks like he is ready to kill.

"Dude... We will get you help. You'll be fine."

"You don't get it! No one will. I spent so much energy and time trying to conceal it. Now my secret is going to be out in the open for all to hear.

"It won't."

"Yea. It will. You have Marley, the glee club is yours, and now you are trying to pry in my life."

"Everyone has their own demons to face. Addiction affects everyone. We could get you help so you can stop."

"You're so fucking stupid. You probably think I did this to myself."

"You didn't?...Huh?"

"No. I didn't."

"Who did then?..."

Wait...

"My dad did this to me...Now leave me alone!"

"Ryder wait...Stop! Let me..."

He was already outside, before I finished. How could I be so stupid to try to help him by myself? The confrontation was destined for failure ...'My dad did...'

His dad is the one abusing him. What the hell! His dad had always seem nice to me. Compassion for Ryder was something he always had shown. What he wanted us to believe. Behind closed doors. Now that is a completely different story.

I have to help him...I need to help him! I got myself in this mess.

Without my help, Ryder will be dead.


	3. Twisted Emotions

After failing to confront Ryder, I went to my house. All I do is stare at the ceiling of my room. Not knowing what to do next.

Ryder doesn't deserve for this treatment. Being beaten. Especially by his own father. He is a good person. Why?!

His behavior changed right after the lockdown. When Becky accidentally shot herself with one of the guns the Cheerios had to use for their practice. Sue couldn't stand for it not to not be loaded. Gets rid of the 'authenticity' of the message...Their nationals number was an homage to the confederate army.

Thankfully. Becky did survive with no internal injuries.

Did the beating start after the lockdown? Or did they get worse? I need to help. How will I...

"Jake?"

Oh crap! I forgot, where I was.

"Yes...Sorry, I was thinking about the duet."

Marley and I decided to brainstorm duet ideas over dinner, at breadsticks. We haven't been productive at all. Spent most of the time so far, just flirting. Typical for us trying to get this done when just us two. Whatever. lol

"And what have you come up with?"

Crap. Think...Got it.

"I was thinking that we should do something more intimate...Like you start singing on stage. Then, I will be coming from the entrance. Meeting up on stage for the finish."

"That sounds like a good idea. That would lead us afterwards to leave from opposite sides. Tina would then come out from the middle."

"Starting her solo, and we will all join her on stage afterwards."

"Perfect. That is genius. We will get first place for sure. If..."

I know where this is going. Her fainting at Sectionals.

"What's wrong, Marls?"

"I feel like...I will mess up again. It is like I still feel like a burden since I fainted."

"Kitty was the one who caused you to go anorexic."

Still doesn't know. She has me to help her with whatever problem. I will support her with through everything.

"I know. Kitty wasn't the one who made me do it. It was my own insecurities that led me to stop eating. It was me, not Kitty. That is what people don't understand."

"Marley...That is in the past. You have me now. I won't let you get so low that you have to resort to starvation. You are beautiful, intelligent, and a damn good singer."

"Awe. Jake thanks."

If it wasn't for you, I would still be a womanizer. Also, probably be in jail...

"I love you, Jake."

"I love you to, Marls...Wait, have you heard from Ryder?"

It has been three days. He has shown up to school. Ryder...What happened? He could be being beaten now. Or worse...

"Nope. Have you?"

"I haven't. I am a little worried. I tried texting him. But, he didn't respond."

I didn't text him. Just didn't want to raise her suspicions.

It kills me. Not being able to tell her. Once all of this goes down. She will be furious with me for not telling her. It is for the best. She can't find out right now.

"He is probably sick or he could be out-of-town. Remember Tina when she got the Asian Bird Flu. She was out for almost three weeks with that. Also, Sugar and her getting lost at the park. Lost for two whole days in a mile long park."

"Yea. I get you."

Marley there is so much you do not know. So much...

After talking about how much we love each other and duet preparations, we go our separate ways. I take her home and go back to my house.

Laying on my bed, is the best way to solve my problems. In this case, solving Ryder's problems.

Ryder needs me and I can't think of a way to help. I am such a horrible friend. He doesn't want my help. However, without my help he could be dead.

Maybe. I could go over there. By Myself...That is ridiculous. What would I do? It would end up worse than me trying to confront Ryder.

Getting the police involved. That won't work without proof. His dad would just threatened Ryder to not say anything. They would believe the parents over the son.

Telling Ryder to stay at my house. Ugh. Yet, what would stop him from calling the police on us. Saying we were kidnapping his son.

Fuck it. None of these ideas are plausible or would work.

Come on. Think...What can I do to help him?

That tears it, I am so tired of contemplating this without making any actions. Ryder needs me. Without me, he is as good as dead.

I need to take action. I pick up my phone and dial a number.

"Hello?"

"Puck...I need your help. Please."

* * *

"Dad. I am so fucking tired!"

"Shut the fuck up, faggot!"

All he does is attacks me: physically and emotionally. Ever since, I told him I had feelings towards guys. A certain guy...Jake.

These feelings roughly started around two months ago. Mckinley was going through Lockdown. Becky had shot herself by mistake, during a Cheerio's number.

She survived without anything serious. However, my heart suffered that day. I realized that I was never jealous of Jake. I was jealous of Marley...

"No son of mine will be a queer. End of discussion."

"Dad! You don't get..."

"Shut the fuck up! That is enough. You're off the Glee Club!"

"Dad...No, I just got the lead in a group number. Please!"

Tears start streaming from my face. I can't believe this is happening to me, now.

"I told you to shut your queer ass up...Now do what I say. Stop back talking."

"Fuck you! I am so done with you."

"What the fuck did you say?"

He takes off his studded belt. Coiling it around his right fist. Getting ready to attack, I go on the defensive.

Right then, my mom rushes in front me. Like a guardian angel

"Jayson that is it!"

"What did you just say to..."

Mom is not intimidated. Standing her ground in front of me. Not blinking an eye at my dad's rage. Fueling it even more. Mom...Thank you.

"You shut up! I can't take it anymore. I used to stand back in fear. As you punished our son over his choice. We need to be encouraging him. Yet, all we do is break him down."

"Mom..."

She turns to look at me. Pain glimmering in her eyes.

"Ryder, I am so sorry. I should've of taken action before it escalated, but I was afraid."

She goes to face my father locking eyes with him.

"You will have to get through me Jayson to get to Ryder."

"..."

Rage is fuming through my dad's veins. After a few minutes of staring at each other. He leaves the house without taking his car.

"Thank you, Mom."

She goes over to me and hugs me. The strongest hug, she has ever given me.

Tears start streaming down our eyes. All I wanted was for someone to help me through my nightmare. And that person was my mom all along.

"Ryder..."

"Mom. It is okay. I know."

"I was weak. I should of never allowed him to treat you like that."

Tears continuing to stream. They aren't tears of fear, but tears of happiness. We both are together again.

All I could think about is Thank God. He is gone. However, I know this fairy-tale won't have a happy ending.


	4. Time Bomb

All I want is to be loved. Respect is what I crave. Respect by all those around me. Including my father.

Ryder do this or Ryder do that. My whole life revolves around my dad. My dad's way or the highway. That is final. I have no say in what I do. Mr PhD decides everything for me. Especially the way, I go about doing it.

Dad was never supposed to find out about my feelings toward Jake. I was talking to my mom in the kitchen, when he walked in. With an expression first shocked turned murderous. He screamed, "I got out early to come to this." He probably took a half day to come lecture me about how I am a failure. Or why I didn't deserve to be his son. Like usually.

He freaked out, like expected, and started to whip me with his belt. He took it off after he knocked me to the ground. The belt has hook-like spikes protruding out of it that sink into my skin ripping it. They don't go deep enough for internal damage. And he knows that. The pain is...Indescribable.

The Stomach was the area he targeted. It was the area of my body that could be easily concealed. The scars on my body are the showing of my resilience. My drive to live on. With them, one day I will triumph. I will escape this hell.

"Mom...I will never forgive him."

"I know. I will never forgive myself for letting him do that to you. I am supposed to be your mother. I-I-I..."

I go over to my mom. I embrace her with a huge hug. Still not enough to take away the pain. It is to show her. Despite all that we have been through, I am still her son. She has lost me. She won't. I will stand by her side. Help her. With her helping me now.

"Mom. It was not your fault. I understand. You did help me."

"How?"

"You made sure that I didn't lose my hope. I found the courage to stand up against him. Thanks to you."

"I did?"

I would be dead by now. From either suicide or bleeding out. You have been my guardian.

"If it wasn't for you. I would have been dead by now."

"Ry..."

"Mom."

"Growing up. Dad was my fear. All I did was tried to impress him. Walked in his shadow. Scared...Terrified...Chained."

"Son. Everything will be better now. Soon, this will be over."

"What about dad? Call the cops?"

"Let them deal with it."

Hopefully, he'll be sent to jail. To rot...To burn...For all the pain and grief, he has caused me and my mom. I want revenge for what he has done. His suffering is the only thoughts racing through my head.

"I will call the cops...Crap. I left the phone in the kitchen. I'll be right back."

"Okay"

As my mom enters the kitchen, all I could think about is that soon this will be over. I can start living life again...Secretly loving Jake.

Approximately three months ago is when I figured out that I had feelings for Jake. During the lockdown, we were locked in a classroom together.

The feelings, I experienced were similar to those I have in the past. However, they were warmer this time. The Sense of love filled me over. Shocking my body.

From that moment on I knew. I knew...I loved Jake...

"Ryder!"

My mother's screams jolt me back to reality. Dad...I race to the kitchen.

I ran into the kitchen. She is laying on the kitchen floor. Bloodied.

"Mom! What happened? Where is dad?"

"Ryder...Behind you."

I look behind me to see my dad swinging a metal bat at my head..

...

* * *

"Puck. Hurry."

Puck was the best person to call. Because, he is better at situations like this. I wouldn't be able to handle this by myself. Finn is coming with us because they were hanging out at Lima University, when I called.

"I am going as fast, as I can."

We are almost there. I need to figure out how to do this. Do we stalk it out...Or a direct approach.

Oh god. Better be alright, Ryder.I need you to be fine.

"Finn. Have you already called the cops?"

"Calling them right now."

The cops will arrive a few minutes after we get there.

Ryder...I tried to offer you help. And yet, you pushed it aside. I could've helped you. You have the whole Glee club. We wouldn't have let anything happen to you.

It is also my fault. You rejecting my help was also a cry for help...I should've just went to Will or Puck...I am a cause to why something didn't happen sooner.

Ryder. We are coming. We will help you. We will make it better.

The moment, we arrive. I noticed the door to the house is wide open. Fuck..

"Okay. We will do this my way. We don't know the condition Ryder is in. We are going to rush the house. Together."

As one, we rush out of the car inside the house.

"Ryder! Son!"

We heard the screams of Ryder's mother coming from the Kitchen. Instantly, we rush to the source.

As I enter, I notice Ryder on the ground knocked out. Blood across his face.

"Ryder! What happened?"

I rush to Ryder. While Puck rushes to Kayla, Ryder's mother. With Finn behind us. Watching us.

"Finn behind you!"

We all look as Jayson emerges from behind the door with a baseball bat. Swinging it at Finn. With ferocious velocity.

Finn blocks it. Battle between the two starts. Puck helps Kayla out of the house. I check Ryder.

"Ryder. Wake up! I need to get you out. Ryder Please! Listen to me!"

God dammit. Wake up. I need to help you. I promised myself I would not let this happen to you...

Ryder starts to come back to life. Without giving him any time to recover. I quickly grab him by the arm and help him up. Together we get him out of the house.

We get outside to Puck's car. When the police come, they always come after the action is over...

They rush inside the house. Within a few minutes, Jayson comes out in handcuffs. Finn comes out with a bruised lip.

I turn to Ryder.

* * *

"Jake..."

I still manage to get it out. Despite taking a bat to the head. I can feel the lumps forming from that spot. Puck ripped a piece of his shirt to wrap around the spot to help stop the tension. The pain hurts like a bitch.

"Yes. Ryder?"

"Thank you. For not giving up on me."

"Don't mention it. That is what a true friend does. Looks behind the bullshit and takes action. A true friend sees the cries for help from those who he/she cares about."

"..."

"Don't say anything. Just relax now."

I enter the car. Where I remain silent.

Finally...This nightmare has come to an end. Thanks to...Jake...


	5. Night to remember

After the fallout with his father, I took Ryder to my apartment. Space away from his house was mandatory. The place where the physical and emotional torture took place. His mother stayed with his Aunt. Dealing with the legal work. 'I don't want Ryder to go through anymore trauma.' Is all she told us. Figures...

Trying my best to help him. But, to no avail. I gave him my room for him to recover in. It is the least, I could do. As a friend... He hasn't said one single word since we got to my home. Three days have passed with silence.

Thank God! We had spring break this week. He only missed three days of school. Dyslexic people might see that as an impossible task to complete. Three days worth of hw. For sure, I will help him make up those days. Also, I am pretty sure his teachers can understand his situation. I hope...

My mom has to work two jobs to support for me. Sometimes I feel ungrateful. Like I take advantage of her. Dad sucks for leaving us in this situation... Puck and I are both royally fucked up because of him.

Damn! I need to focus on Ryder. I have to get him to talk. I need the old Ryder back. The one who helped me impress Marley. The one who was always there for me. I need to be there for him now. I have to repay him for all the good he has done for me. Least I could do...

I leave the living room and enter my bedroom. Still in the same position. I last saw him in. Laying on my bed, staring at my ceiling.

Fuck

I go mirror his position on the opposite side. Ready to have a heart to for this to not end badly.

"Ryder?"

Silence

"Please listen to me. Okay."

Silence

"Come on man. I am trying so hard to help. But, you don't listen to me!"

Silence. What is up? Why won't you talk. Crap. I can't begin to fathom how he must be feeling. Resort to animal-like treatment. Oh God...

"Do you think, I saved you because Marley was worried. She didn't even know about any of this. I told her you were probably sick or something. Furious is not even close to describe how she was when I told her what was really going on."

Silence

"Are you going to respond? Please. Snap out of it."

Come on Ryder! I need you to get out of this.

Silence

"Fine. I understand. I will leave you with this. I care about you, dude. You are awesome bro for me. Helping me impress Marley and been my partner in crime. I have learned so much from you. No matter what I couldn't repay you. I was legitimately scared when you told me about your father. I freaked the fuck out. I should've gotten you out sooner. But, I didn't because I didn't know what to do."

Silence. One final tactic. This has to work.

"Okay. I get it. You are angry and hurt, I know. I will leave you alone now."

I get up from my bed and head to the door. Before I get to the door, Ryder speaks.

"Wait!"

Finally. Thank God.

I turn around and go back to the place, I was. Hopefully, this will go better than my last attempts.

"Yes?"

"Tha..nks"

He begins to cry uncontrollably.

Crap. I didn't want this reaction. I always get the opposite reaction, I want. Puck inherited all the charms of being a Puckerman. On the other hand, I got the leftovers.

"It will be okay, Ryder. You're safe now. No one will hurt you."

"No...It's not going to be okay. I am a failure. I am a disappointment. My father doesn't want me. My grades are crap because of my dyslexia. Glee club rejects me. No one wants me..."

"We want you Ryder. We all care about you."

"Finn and Puck were worrying. Marley was crying because she thought something happened to you. Tina was hysterical. Will was worried. We were all worried."

"Really?"

"Yes. We all care about you Ryder."

He starts to cry worse. This is getting harder to deal with as time approaches.

Why can't I be like Puck. He always knows what to say at the right time.

"Calm down. You are going to be alright. I got you now."

I bring him closer and embrace him in a hug.

"No...No.. It is not."

"Your dad is not going to hurt you again."

"That is not the reason.

* * *

He is blind to how I feel.

"What is the reason? Tell me"

"You have no clue. The problems, I am facing. You don't get it. No one gets it."

"Then Tell me."

"I am not going to tell you."

I get up and face him directly in the eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because no. I can't. I am going to the living room to sleep. You can have your bed back."

Before I could go, Jake stops me by the wrist. Normally, I would be able to fight him off. But, my body is still weak from the beatings. I can't expect his grip.

"Dude. Let me go."

"Not until you tell me. I won't let you go."

Is he serious, now? Can't deal with this right now. Not now! After everything!

"Let me go!"

"Tell me!"

This is starting to be piss me off. I start to cry again. Turning into an emotional wreck. Fuck It!

Before thinking, I kiss him on the lips. Out of impulse. He doesn't resist...I was expecting a punch. Or get the hell out as a response. Before I could go, he pulls me back and kisses me back.

This feels unreal. Almost like something from a fairy-tale.

Kissing usually doesn't feel this good. Life suddenly rushes back into me. A sense of freedom has been restored.

I go to the living room closing the door. Leaving a stunned Jake in his room.

Joy suddenly turns to sadness. I shouldn't of done that to him. He probably thinks, 'what the fuck just happen?' Marley is the one, he loves. Not me. I am so fucking stupid. So stupid! God. Why do I always do the most retarded things? He loves women. Marley in particular. He isn't gay or bi. Or could he be? Wait...

He didn't resist though. He kissed me back.

Why?


	6. Delirium

Ryder kissed me. And I let him. Why am I not angry? I like girls. I am straight. Yet, I don't want to tell him off. Part of me feels like crap because all he has been through fucked him up in the head. Another part makes me want to tell him he was wrong to do what he did. And the last part wants him to kiss me again.

Mentally fucked. Wish someone could just tell me what is going on with me. Get rid of my confusion. Pain within my heart is paralyzing. I want it all to go away. Only one person can help me with that. She can help me sort out all my problems. Make sense of them without madness. Hopefully.

I call up Tina. Tina is the only one who could help me. She always does. Like the time, I asked her for help Always gives the right advice at the right time. Which is creepy in many ways. It is like your own personal Gandhi. Or a teenage psychologist at your disposal.

I go over to her house after I get done talking to her over the phone. I tell her it is because of an emergency Regionals prep.

I go to her house and knock on the door. The suspense is killing me. She is the only person who I will be able to tell everything. I hope she will...

I was about to finish that thought when the door opened.

"Hey Jake!"  
"Hey Tina. How are you?"  
"Good. Come in?"

I stay silent and we go to her room.

"So...How is the solo going?"  
"The solo is going great. Kind of weird knowing that regionals is only a week away. Vocal Adrenaline will be a bitch to beat this year. Because of Sasha Malik."

Sasha Malik. A senior transfer to Carmel High School. With a voice like no other. Last year, Sasha won the internationals soloist competition. This will be his first year a part of Vocal Adrenaline. We are hoping he doesn't mesh well. VA's sectionals proved that he can integrate. They did a flawless rendition of "Here I go Again" by Whitesnake.

"Eh. Don't sweat it. We just have to work harder. Winning is in the bag."

We need to bust our asses to beat Sasha. All we gonna do is come together as one. Willing is in the bag. Hopefully.

"Maybe. We are the reigning National champions after all. All we gotta do is come together as one."

Duh...

"Exactly what I was thinking. Coming together is what we are great at doing. It is what makes us New Directions. It makes us Glee."  
"It helped us this far...Are you going to tell me why you came here?"  
"Huh? What do you mean?"

Crap. She caught on to me. She is good.

"Cut the crap, Jake. I know something is bothering you. I spent the past four years going through and helping everyone in the choir room. Shit. You might be a Puckerman. But, you're terrible at keeping secrets. It is written on your face."

Fuck. Women with their intuition. Can't hide anything from them. They're always on alert. Watching your every move.

"Well...There is something. Don't really know how to say it."  
"Try to. It is obviously bothering you in some way. Is something wrong with Ryder?"  
"No. Nothing is wrong with Ryder."  
Technically. Ryder is fine physically. Emotionally probably a little messed up.

"What is it then?"  
"Ryder has something to do with it..."

Wondering. If this will end badly or not. Manual should be included to help you with these problems. Or one of Ms. Pilsbury's pamphlets.

"What is it? Wait..."  
"It happened while Ryder was at my apartment. I was worried about how he was doing. So, I went into my room where I let him sleep. Sitting in the same place, I saw him. Mirroring his position on the other side, I began to try to reach through to him."

Getting closer to the part that is hard to bring up.

"So, I tried leaving and he stopped me. I asked him what else is bothering him. He refused to answer me. We got into a heated argument. Back and forth. I grabbed his wrist to tell me. And then it happened.

"What happened?"

Here I go.

"Ryder kissed me."

Silence. Great! Exactly what I was looking for. Not.

"Why? Doesn't he like Marley. So confusing."  
"I thought he liked Marley to. Until, he kissed me. And that is not the worst part."  
"What else is there?"

Ugh...

"I kissed him back. Right after he kissed me. I kissed him."  
Silence again. Great...

"I don't know. What to do. One moment, I completely love Marley. Another minute, I get kissed and kiss back my best friend. Nothing makes sense."  
"To be honest Jake, I have no idea what to do either."

No! You are always supposed to know what to do. That is what makes you Tina. One who knows what to say at the right time. Helpful with other people's problems. Yet, needs all the help in the world with your own.

"Well. I have one suggestion."

Phew. Thank you.

"What is it?"

A big smile runs across my face. With glee flowing through my body. Knowing that I will have one thing to help me.

"Listen to your heart. Your heart is the only source you could truly use for an answer at this point. It will tell you what to do."

"I don't know. I kissed him for a reason. Right? A part of me feels something for him. It scares me. Because, I have never had feelings for a man before."  
"So don't most gay or bi men. They sometimes don't realize it until High School."  
"What about Marley, Puck, and my Mom? I was perfectly happy with them and Ryder as my best friend. Then, what was being done to Ryder changed that."

I was so scared that Ryder would have been killed. Marley didn't even know. It was me who took action to save him. Could that have been a sign? Or coincidence?

"Jake. Ryder being beaten could've triggered it. Everyone was scared for Ryder. Sue Included. Very rarely Sue shows emotions."

That is true. We all were scared for Ryder. The whole glee clubs loves him. Yet, he feels like no one understands him. No one in the club wants to be around him. Everyone in the club loves him.

After a while, I tell Tina goodbye. Go home and lay down on my bed. Wanting Ryder laying next to me.

Why does something so bad?

Feel so good.

* * *

Regionals is rapidly approaching. Only four days left until our clash with Aural Intensity and Vocal Adrenaline. I am ready. I know with heart and effort we will come out victorious. New Directions did last year at Nationals. I am certain we can have a two-year repeat. Unless, we don't come together.

I am fine...Who the fuck am I kidding. That is complete bullshit. I can't stop thinking about Jake. I feel like crap for kissing him. But, I want him. When I am with him, I feel free. I feel like myself. Most importantly, I do not feel weak. Strength is what I get when I am with him.

Jake. I am sorry for causing you pain. All I do is fuck everything up. I am a massive screw up. Like a disease that infects you and destroys your insides.

I decided to seek help because trying to help myself was getting me literally nowhere. I try to figure out my problems to no avail. Instead, it leads me to more problems. Harder to solve. Taking me farther away from sanity than I already was.

First person, I called was Blaine. Because he is the only gay man in Glee. Already knows how it is like having feelings towards guys. Nothing better getting help from a gay anyway.

I called up Tina next. But, she said she was too busy. I couldn't understand her because she was mumbling a lot. And sounded nervous. I wonder why? Eh. Probably her time of the month. Chicks get a little bipolar around that time. I wished, she could've come because she gives the best advice. Oh well then.

Last person, I chose to call was Unique. Unique happens to be Marley and Jake's best friend. So, she is the wild card. However, I know Unique. Understanding is what she is good at. Mad for a little while, but then calms to give stellar advice.

I go to the Lima Bean. I told them to meet me there. The Lima Bean is the best place to go chat and let everything out. It is kind of like a caffeine infused therapeutic technique.

"Ryder. Over here."

I turn to the sound of Blaine's voice. I see him to the right of Unique. They're both happy to see me.

"Ryder. Get your ass over here."  
"Coming guys."

Unique is so sassy and overbearing. Don't forget to mention one of the best singers in New Directions now.  
"Ghessh...Guys demanding much. Just step in and already with the shouting. Jk. How are you guys doing?"

"Unique is doing great."  
"I am great to. Listening to Kurt complain about Cassandra July. He is taking her beginning dance class. Says she likes him, but she is a total bitch to people. And how about you?"  
"I am doing ok. Can't wait for Regionals. I feel like we will win. We are practicing hard and getting everything in sync."  
"Best believe. It will come to the wire. Sasha is no pushover. He won the solo nationals competition Twice. Don't forget he won internationals last year. Trust me. I know how Vocal Adrenaline is. They work endlessly. Until everything is perfect."  
"Then, why didn't you guys win last year. We won last year."  
"Jessie St James sucks at coaching. Also, I didn't like it. I threw the Starships performance. Also, Blaine you were good."

Is Unique flirting with Blaine? That would be an intriguing combo. Oh crap! Forgot Blaine is back with Kurt. Sorry Unique.

"Guys. We have you two. Blaine you have so much charisma. Unique you can belt like no other. If you were able to get MVP at Nationals. You are certainly able to do it again."

"Ryder...What's up?"  
"Nothing much. Tired."

What is Unique up to? Does she sense something

"You look troubled. Like something is bothering you."

Crap. Don't want to go through this now.

"Well. There is something."

"What is it? You can tell us."  
"Yea. Is your mom trying to get you to testify?"  
"No. My mom took care of it."

A week ago, my mom called me. She told me Dad was found guilty and sent to jail. I only had to go to court once to tell them my story. I showed them my scars. Emotional is understated, to explain how I was afterwards.

"Unique wants to know. What it is?"  
"Deals with Jake. Something happened."  
"Ryder. Did he get tired of you? Tell me. Because, I was never okay with you sleeping at his house. He has been an A-Class Douchebag to you."  
"I will tell you..."

They look at me Attentively. While, I am trying to come up with a way to get the words out.

"One day, I was moping his bedroom. He tried to get me to talk. But, I wouldn't until he was about to leave to the front. I told him Thank you. He noticed something else was bothering me. I refused to answer. Until, he blocked my way out. I was too weak to move him. And then I..."  
"And what?"

Blaine's questions sent me further down. I gotta do this.

"I kissed Jake."  
"Why in God's green earth?! Fucking Stupid! Jake was kind to you. Repay him by kissing him? Why did you do that?"

Unique is shouting very loud now. This was a mistake. I should have never asked them to come here. Blaine was the only one, I should have called.

"Unique calm down. Let Ryder explain himself."

Here it goes. Time to plead my case.

"During the lockdown, a part of me changed. I knew, I loved Jake. I told my dad and he...Beat me. Over and over again. Until, one day Jake rescued me. Kissing him probably was when my body let out all those pent up emotions. I am sorry."

Unique's facial expressions lightened up.

"Unique thinks you should talk to yourself. To sort out your problems. Find out what you want."  
"That wasn't the only part. To be mentioned."  
"Oh gosh. What else is there?"  
"Jake kissed me back..."

Silence


	7. Collision

Telling Unique and Blaine was a huge mistake. I am sitting here looking at their blank stares. Haven't moved since I told them. That was over six minutes ago. Suspense is killing me. They are probably not able to comprehend the situation or feel like I took advantage of him. Did I? Take advantage of him. Of his kindness...

I feel like crap. They will probably tell Marley. From there, Marley will break up with Jake. Furthering pissing him off.

I should've just went to Tina. Tina always knows what to say. Always knows everything before others find out. Some type of Asian Intuition she says. More like noisy intuition if you ask me.

I need to break this tension. Killing me, now. I have to start getting some answers. Also, I need them to collect themselves so they can help me decide what to do. Because; now, I have no idea where I am heading. Most likely heading in a downward spiral.

I am such a loser. Idiot. Such a ...

"Are you guys going to respond? Because the silence is killing...Makes me feel stupid."

"Unique thinks you are. Because, you confused Jake. And it is clear out of impulse, he kissed you back."

Great. This was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have asked for Tina and Blaine to come meet me here. Not Unique. I would've expected her to be on Jake and Marley side. She is their best friend. Ugh.

"Unique. Relax."  
"Excuse you. What he did was wrong of him. Wasn't it?"

"Yea. It was. But, look at what he went through. Out of everyone. I would expect you to know how it is to feel trapped."  
"What is that supposed to mean?!"

Can't believe Blaine is defending me. Right now. I should be defending myself. But, I am scared. Terrified more like it. Don't know what to do. Don't know what to say.

"Unique...It means, that you are transgendered. You are trapped between two genders. Ryder was trapped within the clutches of his dad. Telling him what to do. Controlling him. He couldn't think for himself."

Unique starts to calm down. This is a good sign. Usually after her moment of being flustered. The mother figure kicks in. Hopefully, I am not the only exception to that rule.

"Ryder...Sorry. Sometimes, I can...Just get a little Hormonal."

Blaine starts to laugh. Causing me to laugh.

"Unique doesn't find it that funny..."

After a moment of silence, Unique bursts out in a cackle.

"Maybe it was a little. Haha."

"Unique? What were you going to say?"

Curiosity runs through my mind. I might get what I want to heard now. Finally. It took like forever. But, most likely I will reach a breakthrough.

"Ryder. You can't choose who you love."  
"I did. I like Jake."  
"That is not what I meant. I..."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Let me finish...I mean, that you don't choose. Your heart does that for you."  
"huh?"  
"Unique let me clarify for you. Ryder ain't getting it."  
"Go Ahead Blaine."

What are they talking about? What does Unique mean? Everything is leading me to just more questions. With those questions come more questions. Why can't I get answers? For Once.

"Unique is saying this. Your mind doesn't decide the ones you want. Your heart does. Within your heart of hearts, it decided that Jake is the one for you."  
"So, Jake is the person it longs for."  
"Yes. For now, Jake is what your heart wants now."

"I wish. It didn't. All I want is to be in love with someone who could love me back. I don't think Jake likes me back. He is with Marley."

"Unique thinks you are just confused. For all you know, he might like you back. Kissing you back leads me to thinking that. Marley was once his love, but you could've replaced that spark."

Finally. I get some clearing to this fog. I really need this. It wasn't as helpful as I thought it was going to be. However, it still helped me. I will use this to solve my problems.

"Thank you, guys...If I didn't have you guys..."  
"No problem, Unique will help."  
"And Blaine will help to. lol"  
"Thanks again. Really appreciate it."  
"Ok. Let's stop with the sentimental for now. hahaha. Let's get some froyo."

"That would be great."

* * *

"Jake. The duet is sucking. Nothing is coming together. And Regionals is less than a week away."

Crap. This is torture. We have been working on the duet for three weeks now. And it is still shit.

It is not mashing up well. The choreography is mediocre and we haven't been connecting like we used to. Why?

Ryder...Fuck!

"Marls. We just need to loosen up. I think that it is because of all the stress. It is hindering us from flowing it together."  
"It just sucks. It's because of me isn't. I am too stressed."

Jesus! Here we go again. She can't stop blaming herself for the sectionals incident. How many times do I have to tell her? It wasn't her fault. She had an eating disorder because of Kitty's jealousy.

"Marley. You will be fine. We are two of the best singers in the Glee Club right now. For sure, the best duet singers."  
"I don't feel like I am good enough."  
"Marley. I know you are good enough. You are a great songwriter and singer. And I...Love...you."

Crap. I was hesitant. This could be bad. Hopefully. Praying to God. She didn't noticed.

"I love...Wait why did you paused before saying I love you?"

Fuck my life. Puckerman think. What would Puck do?

"Because. I was lost in your eyes. You changed my life for the best. I wouldn't be here, if it wasn't for you. You know that right? I love you."

I love you...Ryder. Why can't I say it out loud.

"I love you to. I wish, we all can come together as a group."

Every since the shooting. The New Directions have not been able to coexist together as one. That is the only way we can win. Is group unity. A collection of voices coming together to make one massive wall of music.

"Inspiration is lacking. We need to be inspired again. To come as one. As individuals we are great. But, as a team we are untouchable."  
"How do we do that?"  
"I know, what to do. Trust me."  
"Okay. I will. But, it better be good. This regionals is setting up to be a disaster."  
"How so?"

Sasha. Has to be him.

"Sasha Malik...He is the biggest hurdle the New Directions has ever had to jump over. He is without a doubt better vocally than any of us by ourselves."

Nothing can describe how amazing Sasha is. When he sings, it is like magic. He is so unpredictable. With his seven octave range, he can literally sing in every range. With each range as good. Sectionals he was a baritenor. Solo internationals he was a mezzo.

I just hope the collective power of the new directions will help us win. Together we will break through the roadblock in Sasha.

"Marley. Sasha might be good. But, him along with all of Vocal Adrenaline don't have our heart."  
"How are you so sure? We can win."  
"Because. I have faith that will win. We will win!"

I hope...

"All we need is some faith. We will come together as a family again. First Regionals and then it is Nationals."  
"Yes! Marley that is the determination we need to get through this. Regionals will be a..."

*Knock knock*

Someone is knocking on the door. Interrupting me in the process.

"Who could it be, I wonder?"

I get up and go to the door.

"My mom doesn't get home until eight. It is 5:30."

Just as I opened the door. I see, it is Ryder. Great. Just the person, I wanted to see. The one, who hates me.

"Ryder! Hey."  
"Ryder...Hey..."

"Hey guys. How are you?"

"I am good and you?"

Ryder. Was clearly directing it to me. However, Marley was checking her phone. Not being able to see Ryder looking at me.

"I am doing great...Just here. hahaha."

Obviously. Fake laughing. Marley is so naive to detect it as anything else. Part of the reason, I like her.

"How are you, Jake?"  
"Pretty Good. Hahaha. Let's go sit down."

I feel so awkward. Ryder is obviously the same way. Probably figured I was gonna be alone.

"So Ryder. What brings you here?"  
"Jake told me to come over."

Looking at me when he said that. Great. Think Puckerman.

"Yea...Totally. I told him after Glee practice to over around this time. So I can help him with his homework."

Thank you. For a PhD in bullshitting.

"Great. Well. I should go then."  
"Marls stay."  
"Yea. Stay Marley."

Don't leave yet, Marley. Please. Don't leave me with Ryder now.

"It is okay. My mom is probably worry sick anyway. I'll text you later. Okay?"

Crap. This sucks.

"Okay. Text you later."

I turn to Ryder, as soon as the door closes.

* * *

I should've of never came here. Especially, that Marley was here. It just made it more awkward. I haven't spoken to Marley in almost two months. Because of my avoidance.

While eating Froyo with Unique and Blaine, they told me to come talk to Jake. As soon as I finished, I decided to walk to his apartment. Little did, I know. I walked on a date. Or sorry a "Duet Practice." Man. Can I not screw anything?

It has been a couple of minutes since Marley has left. Jake and I, are locked in a stare down. Since the door slammed shut. His stare feels like you're being stabbing me multiple times in the gut. The intensity is strong with power behind it.

"Are you going to say anything? Jake..."

Silence is so stress inducing. I can't tell if he is going to punch me or yell at me.

"Hell..."

Before I could finish, Jake moves in. I brace myself for a punch. Which is well deserved.

Instead. He kisses me. This time, he kisses me first. I kissed him back.

This time, it feels different. Feels right. We don't stop after two kisses. It turns into a makeout session. I figured. Letting out all our emotions.

I guess. It is official now. He does have feelings for me!

He is so confusing.

Fuck it. hahaha


End file.
